IT'S GO TIME BANGTAO!!!

Woke up and it was the first thing on my mind. It was the first thing on every true Canadian's mind that day I'm sure. A mix of excitement and nervousness ran through me like glycol coolant. Going through line combinations in my head like I was about to coach the team myself. Wondering what Carey Price is feeling? Game time in six hours, one hour motorbike ride to Bangtao, Phuket to a Canadian bar "Nok n' Jo's." It's go time Canada! 

We got all geared up in red and white, grabbed the flags and hit the road. 

Peace out Rawaii

After weaving through the crazy northbound Phuket traffic (think deerfoot with no rules), we get to the bar and there are Canadians everywhere. A few swedes as well which I don't mind because the stereotypes are true, the women are truly gorgeous. Looks like we found our home for the next day or so. 

Thank you for existing

Cool ass bar

Get that 'nucks shirt out of there and this picture looks good

Nice shirt Dillon?

Canada dominates right off the top. The Price is right, and looking as fresh as I've ever seen him play. The Swedes are looking horrible. The nervousness starts to fade away with every sip of Leo beer I take. 

Happy Swedes, just wait. 

You can actually tell the Canadians from the Swedes if you look close

Gumby is lovin' this shiz

Cut to Crosby with a breakaway goal... flashbacks of 2010. That feeling! Canada wins the gold medal and becomes Olympic champions once again. 

CROSBY DOES SOMETHING!!!

Not so happy are you now?!?!?!

Jo is lovin' it

This guy is lovin' it

JO! 

I got every Canadian or wannabe Canadian to sign my flag and planned on giving it to the bar in the next couple days. It now hangs proudly in Nok n Jo's where it will probably stay for years. 

Nok n' Jo

So we partied. It's fairly blurry after the game but there was a point where I was running the streets with the flag as a cape. I did hit the ceiling and I'm pretty sure proof is floating around somewhere. 

Kitties love mice

The rest of my night

Good job boys,
Daniel Double-u

See you in four more years. 

4. Bangkok Exodus

Get me the hell out of this city.

I woke up in a hot sweaty mess, wiped the blood out of my eyes, went to the lobby bar to get some food and finish my escape from Bangkok. The cab drivers must have smelt the loathing for change all over me like the skankiest of stanks. "Sir where you going?" every single cab driver trying to make some of that sweet skrilla.

After saying mai ow khrap (no thanks) about 80 times we finally just said screw it and got in a cab. Told the guy we were flying to Phuket.  He took us straight to the TAT (tourism authority of Thailand) in an obviously Muslim neighborhood. Nothing wrong with Muslims but they aren't exactly fond of us westerners and the guy behind the desk wasn't the most courteous person I've run into out here. Word to the wise, book online for flights or go directly to the airport.

He tries to charge us a ridiculous amount of money for these flights, he tells us to follow some kid to the ATM and pay now. So we have only been in the country for three days now and we are starting to figure out this asshole is ripping us off.

Ryan and I exchange some looks and we decide against getting bent over by an angry Muslim travel agent. We grab our passport off the table and begin to leave, the guy comes running out after us screaming "YOU ARE NOT A MAN!" and the lady working there starts to grab at Ryan's bag to drag him back into pay or something. "FARANG!" "YOU PAY NOW!" "WE CALL THE COPS."

I'm already walking away, Ryan finally gets his bag out of this crazy vicious lady's grip and we walk off to a chorus of insults I wouldn't repeat to my worst enemy. Even trying to leave Bangkok is retarded.

Screw this, at least we know when the flight is now. We have 6 hours to kill. This was the last bit of bad luck Thailand has shown me since.

We decide to distress with a little bit of a walk when another Thai dude approaches us. Oh great... he likes Ryans tattoos and he likes my pale skin. Yup. Waiting for the sales pitch... he tells us about all the attractions in Bangkok... still waiting... the government is subsidizing all of the tuk tuk fares today? umm... He will take you to all the sights for free, ok... And then take you to the factory where they make hugo boss and Armani, and there it is! Whatever, we don't have to buy anything so we jump on our tuk tuk and blast the hell out of that grimey neighborhood.

As we're slightly wondering if this is another scam, we took a bunch of pics of Gumby at the big Buddha, the smiling Buddha and the Temples.

Smiling Buddha Temple

 

Ryan had to leave this one because he thought the wax guy winked at him or something

 

"The. middle. one. is. real. I'm trippin' balls, I'm out of here."  

 

We end up at the suit factory. Free beer, lots of smiles, beautiful material. You know both Ryan and I bought some bangin' three piece suits! The long con, but whatever Bangkok isn't so bad after all.

Gumby says hi! From Bangkok!

Still never going back,
Daniel Double-u

Two nights in Bangkok is more than enough (I figured out the formatting issues)

I've always believed that Las Vegas has an expiration date. If you stay for more than two nights you either turn into a pumpkin or the city burns you and eats you alive like Godzilla. Personally if I stay longer I just go absolutely bonkers and hole up in my room until we leave.

Bangkok is very much like Vegas. But on steroids. A shitty brand of steroids you could only find at a shady gym in a city like Bangkok.

We left our brothel/hotel downtown to find a  little more friendly accommodations for the second (and last) night I will ever spend in this godforsaken hell of an urban disaster.

We try to go to Koh Sahn (road) where most of the tourists concentrate. We quickly find out, the cab will only take us as far as a Royal Thai Army stand and drops us off with no explanation. Ummmm, shit. So we are standing on the side of the road by the Army with no ride and our giant bags like the biggest farangs around.

 

 

Finally a soldier approaches.

He says to us in perfect English, "ok guys we will take you by the protests, but you must keep going straight to Koh Sahn."

The lizard/journalist part of my brain kicks in. I lie. "I work for the Gazette, I need to take pictures."
 

Journalist?

 
He looks me up and down and must have decided I was wiry and stupid enough to be a journalist. "Ask your driver," he said. Ok, I guess that is that, jump on the back of a bike and away we go.

As we got closer to the madness the drumming slowly crept ever louder. Boom... boom... boom... BOOM... BOOM... BOOM! My heart started to synchronize and I had a death grip on the holy shit handles of the bike.

Finally we drive up to the main protest area, police everywhere, flags the size of your house being waved, tear gas, gunshots and smoke. This is my second day in the country. I am quite close to soiling myself and I completely forget to even ask to get off the bike. Shock and awe does not even begin to describe how I felt. I took pictures of other peoples pictures because I value my eyes and life.
 

 

 

 

 

We get dropped off near Koh Sahn and find a much nicer hotel room for a cheaper rate. I proceeded to slam about three beers to level myself off and ended up meeting another rattled traveler from Switzerland. We hung out at a reggae bar until I tried to kiss her and burnt her arm with a smoke. Yup. In Bangkok I am the opposite of smooth.

I stumbled into bed and planned my escape at first sight of the sun.
 
Police efforts to quell the riots proved unsuccessful. Four people died that day.

Peace out Bangkok,
Daniel Double-u