When a travel blog becomes a Journal

 My thoughts are mine alone. 

 I write here because every man (should) have an instinct to leave some sort of legacy. After I am gone, at least I'll have a record of my thoughts. If I don't go too quick, then I'll have a journal to look back on. 

I have no grand delusions that I am more important than anyone else or am some grand figure in anyone's lives. I understand that I am insignificant. I hope to make an impact on my son's life as that is really the only thing that truly matters. That is how I leave the world a little better than I found it. 

I am also not of the opinion that I am better than anyone, there are so many people that are far better than me at pretty much every aspect of life. This doesn't mean I can't and won't strive to be better every chance I get and make every day a little better than the last. There are things in this life that are uncontrollable. I know I am better than the swigs people who lied and tried to destroy my life over a girl that can't control her own life. I know that for a fact. 

I survived a 5 year stretch where my father died (good riddance), my sister died, I quit my job due to unhappiness and undertook a career change, some of my friends tried to destroy my life for very little good reason (and  it must be admitted that I made some mistakes there as well), got cancer, (mostly) beat cancer, and made it through to the other side. If iron sharpens iron I have been sitting on the iron throne and cutting my ass for years with no reprieve. 

I am stronger now because of this. I will not allow any of this to end me. I've made some mistakes, and I've made a shit ton of progress as well. I've stopped hanging out with "friends" that prayed for my downfall and don't give time to lying social pariahs who relish attention rather than relationships. My sense of goodness in someone else has been sharpened to an extent that I can almost sniff out the intentions weeks, or months before they arrive. 

I learned from my mistakes, and I think that is the key to it all. As a flawed human who constantly makes mistakes, the key to life is likely learning from your mistakes. I used to think it was practice, but learning from mistakes is nothing if not practice, just on a grander scale. So the keys to life involve practice and learning if nothing else. 

Life throws you some curveballs. Maybe the point has come to start timing those curveballs out and smacking some dingers out of the park. 

Life is amazing if not hard as fuck. 

 

 

You

You 

wrecked my defences while 

exposing my deficiencies. 

I can't stand 

You

hurt me in ways ill never

recover from but

You

will never leave my soul or

leave me alone. 

I'll always have 

You

to paint the walls

of the cold darkness

I keep 

You 

in

 

 

  

 

Buckle up, Buckaroos... it's Scam City part 2

Well, maybe there's a god above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
It's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah 

Everywhere you go there is a scam. Istanbul is the only predominantly Muslim country I have visited but maybe they are all like this. I met four kind-hearted Turkish people in the 14 days I was there. Everyone else had the singular goal of separating you from money as expediently as possible. 

Like I've said before, it was still fun. And once they see around you a couple times they stop trying so hard. But those first few days it gets annoying fast. 

When you really think about it, this system of scams is probably preferable to the North American setup anyways. At least anyone with half a brain can avoid the obviousness of some guy shining your shoes without permission or a street barker yelling at you to look at their shitty rugs. There is no organization to the scam, it's just the way they do business and you can say no and go to the next business that is cheaper. It's how pure capitalism is supposed to work in theory. 

Instead we get organized scams on a systemic level, the ultimate outcome of any economic system involving humans will always be to figure out the best scam and escalate it as far and wide as possible. Turn it into an oligarchical level money extraction where you have no choice in the matter anymore. Reference: Canada's mobility networks, or the Alberta UCP political party. (Although the second one is more a reflection of the stupidity of the voting majority in Alberta and the UCP's ability to manipulate all types of media). If you don't agree with me go on facebook and cry with all the russian bots that will get you fired up about something different in 24 hours anyways, fuck outta here. 

Anyways, rant over. I did hear about one Istanbul scam that was pretty freakin' organized. Likely more mafia related. It happened to another traveller that was staying at the same hostel. A Dutch guy in his 20's named Matt. 

It started just like any other day out there. Matt was wandering around the city, taking in the sights and uncovering the incredible history of Istanbul. It is important to mention he was alone on this day. It's also important to mention that Matt is a cool, social and outwardly kind person. This is exactly the type of guy that the con-artist population of this city feeds upon every day. 

So he gets approached by another seemingly nice and social Turkish guy. They end up talking for a while about history and cultural practices (something Matt is fascinated by). Eventually they stop at a cafe and grab a coffee and time is flying by. Of course it is, when you are a solo male traveller it is easy to let your guard down in the spirit of a friendly local who is knowledgeable about the locality. That is most of the reason (the good) travellers are travelling. 

They end up spending most of the afternoon chatting and generally celebrating life as it passes them by on the street. Despite the eccentricities of humanity, their indomitable spirit will always leave a wealth of reasons to celebrate no matter where you are in the world, let alone one of the most interesting cities out there. 

So at this point the Turk guy asks Matt to go to a bar for drinks. (This is the point in the story where I raised my eyebrows, I've always heard the "second location" rule). They go the bar and have a couple drinks. 

Some more context here: the drinking culture in Turkey is very tourist forward. Every tourist business is designed in a very scammy exploitative way, and this only works because there are an incredible amount of rich (and incredibly stupid) tourists in Turkey from every country. Of course you want to have a crazy night while travelling, but at what cost? And if there are attractive girls around, the drinks will be expensive (and likely so will the girls). Now, I am not saying Matt is one of those stupid tourists, this particular scam was very developed and I'm of the opinion that anyone could have trusted this guy after spending the better part of the day with him.  

 Also context: I did a "pub crawl" previously that was organized by the the hostel. So, I was already aware of the tourist drinking culture in Turkey at this point. It was about 10-1 in favour of men in every establishment and it was actually gross how the attractive girls got mobbed and "boxed out" so other guys couldn't even come close. And then if any girl actually was open to interaction, she was for sure a hooker. 

So, back to the protagonist of this story. Matt was in the second location (more of a pub but not quite to the level of a "club" yet), he is enjoying the company of the knowledgeable friendly local and becoming more comfortable by the minute, the alcohol certainly loosening his grip on discernment even further. They eventually pay the tab at this location and Matt is feeling generous towards his new friend, so he pays for the few drinks, no big deal. The nice thing to do in return for all the cultural insider knowledge and wisdom he has gained from this new friendship. I would have 100% done the same. 

Then came the turning point of the night. Turk asks Matt if he wants to meet some girls. Now, I've met a lot of people travelling, the dudes that say they aren't interested in meeting girls or "that's not what this trip is about maaan," are either 1. in a relationship 2. gay 3. or lying. Talking to cute girl while travelling or even starting a little whirlwind romance (if you get super lucky) is a unique and fuckin awesome time. But in a place like Istanbul, it's a little harder, you gotta be fortunate with the right group at the hostel or in daylight hours because the Turkey bar scene is 1000% not happening. But how the hell is anyone supposed to know this until they experience it. Most guys usually have to get tricked into dancing with about 4 hookers before they start to clue in. A lame realization to come to for sure, but a necessary one. 

More context: on weekends, bars will only let a group of dudes in if they are charging over $20 a drink. Other than that it's "only couples" allowed at the popular places, or you can go to a less popular spot and drink with a bunch of dudes in a small spot. Which, all things considered beats dancing with hookers all night. Unless you love hookers and blowing money, then fill your boots. 

Matt doesn't know any of this yet and wants to meet some local girls (who doesn't). They go to the next location (third location!) where there are some girls and a few guys sitting around drinking. The girls are a little friendly and start the conversation with Matt as they ease into the night, its currently about 7:00pm and Matt has had a few drinks by this point already. They all have some shots together eventually and being the generous guy he is, he buys one of the pretty girls a couple drinks so they can get to know each other better. A bit of time passes and Matt's newest friend (lets call her Zerha) starts getting a little closer. He buys a couple more drinks and has a few more himself. Now it's about 9:00pm. Matt's feeling good at this point and asks Zerha if she wants to grab a drink somewhere else. She replies with a coy smile: "go pay first and then we will figure it out."

Not thinking much he strolls up to the bar and they hand him the bill, after adjusting his eyes a bit to the paper his heart sinks: 1400 euro. 

 And the girls are suddenly replaced by the larger crew of guys standing somewhat strategically in the path towards the door, now into well-oiled scam machine territory. Matt goes into full panic mode but doesn't quite lose his head here which becomes very important later. He refuses to pay, they have likely heard these types of lamentations at this point of the night from almost every tourist this scams get this far on. The bar staff menacingly hands him a menu, but not the one he saw when he walked in, this one was for the girls drinks. They come in at $230 each and you bought "Zehna" 3 and did shots with 2 others, you do the math Dutch. Holy shit, wasn't her name Zerha? and is Matt going to pay this crazy amount? 

Matt's not going to quietly roll over and pay this, he asks how much his old friend Turk had to pay and all of the sudden he turns around and Turk is not here anymore. They reply "he paid local price," fully dropping the facade of normal business practices and moving into full shakedown mode, the night is taking a serious turn into a very dark alley. They also add, "you can go talk to the boss." 

He might be about to shit himself here, so he asks where the nearest bathroom is, they motion towards a dark corner in the inner reaches of the bar and Matt walks that way. Once he gets in he ignites his exit plan. First he pulls 50 euro (what the drinks would have actually cost) and puts that in his pocket. Then he puts everything else, wallet included, down his underwear. Then he takes a leak to clear his mind and prepare himself for what was sure to be a tense situation with the Turkish boss man. 

As he walks out, the now apparent mobsters are waiting outside the door to guide him towards the back office. He follows them and eventually comes face to face with a larger balding middle aged guy in a suit, looking uninterested but still projecting an air of menacing superiority.  

"You have to pay," he says, without looking up from the papers on his desk. 

Matt is naturally a pretty calm guy, but all the Valium in Thailand wouldn't make this an easy going interaction.  He shifts his weight a bit and his wallet contents transfer from his boxer-briefs down his leg and rest on the top of his foot, still just barely hanging on under his pant cuff. He bends over to make it appear as though he is tying his shoe and grabs the couple cards in his hand. Hiding them behind his wrist he pretends to adjust the back of his shirt and puts the cards right in his ass crack and clenches down. 

"I won't pay that crazy tab, I don't even have that kind of money, or the means to get it," his lie was good only as long as his glutes kept firing. 

The boss seemed unfazed, "Well you cant leave until you pay, so if you have to call someone now is the time, do you have a phone?" 

"I left my phone at my hostel," he lied, but feared a phone confiscation if he used it. 

"Well you need to figure this out, it's not my problem," and "you have a tab, you must pay your tab." 

And they went back and forth for what seemed like an hour before the idea of phoning the police came up. Matt at this point was ready to make a run for it, anything, as he was desperate to escape this situation. 

The police talk triggered an interesting reaction from big boss man. He showed a fleeting second of apprehension at involving the police and that was all Matt needed to find his way out of this tension engulfed situation. 

He was getting a little bolder in his tone now, shifting from the victim to the aggressor, "Alright lets call the cops, I doubt this is legal in any way, and I just want to leave."

Matt added, "Listen, I have 40 euro, I will give that to you as my tab was for about 35." 

The boss man has lost his mojo a bit here but still wanted to portray his air of superiority. He just kind of motioned for Matt to leave and kind of grunting at him. So Matt leaves the room as two of the grunts start to follow him. As he walks through the bar area all the girls are back chatting with other staff like this was a commonplace occurrence. 

He manages to get outside the bar and goes directly to the bar down the street and starts chatting up the staff and making sure to give them his name. As he looks out to the street the same two guys from the scam bar are walking by every 5 minutes or so, obviously keeping an eye on Matt. 

He stays in this bar for about an hour until their visits get less frequent, and then when the goons finally give up, he pays his tab here and makes a beeline for the nearest train station to get the hell out of this neighbourhood and back to the feigned safety of his hostel, to have a beer in peace and shake off the absolute shittyness of the night and feeling of getting nearly shaken down for thousands of dollars. 

This place is wild, and goes to show how important it is to always be aware of these scams. Istanbul carries so much beauty and total wonder in its history and architecture, but it hides an underbelly of a scam city just waiting to pounce on unsuspecting foreigners at every turn. Keep your head up and your eyes and ears open and you should be alright. It's all an adventure and experience. I would go back 100 times if I didn't want to see the rest of the world. 

 

The ballad of the Broken Irish Man

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

 

Life is what happens while you make plans to enjoy it. There are so many unique people on this earth, that something utterly fascinating is happening everywhere you look. This is by no means different when travelling. Actually it probably increases the chance of seeing some wild stuff exponentially. 

 

The Irish traveller who was in town for one night (originally) was no exception. 

I do have some pictures of this lad that I won't be posting, although this blog is mostly just for me these days (nobody has really read this since I went to Thailand), it's still on the internet and I'm about to tell a less-than-flattering story about the poor guy. Yes, he deserves some ridicule and yes, it's a hilarious story, but no, he doesn't deserve to have his personal information online in any capacity. 

Here we go... 

I was settling into my 4th or 5th night at the Hostel. This night (the hostel staff tried to do something "special" which cost extra money) was special. We had a belly dancer and a bbq meal. As soon as I clambered in to the common area from my afternoon nap, I could hear the twang of his Irish accent boisterously filling the room. 

First thing he did when he saw me was make fun of the flannel shirt I was wearing, "where ya from lad?"

I replied, still a little foggy from the nap, "Uhhh, Canada, whats up?" 

He goes, "Well no shit with that fookin shirt you're wearin'!" 

I just laughed. It did kind of look lumberjack adjacent. I needed a couple beers to get on this guy's level. 

And that's how I met Irish Kieran. 

So I had a few beers, and we kept beakin' at each other. All in good fun. 

Eventually the belly dancing show left and the regulars were left to fend for themselves.  So we did the best we could and started talking about going to Taksim Square for a night of dodging Istanbul's finest scammers and trying to find any girl that isn't a hooker. Not as easy as it sounds. 

A little background on the Irishman here: he was a teacher in the U.A.E. and he told us a story of this karaoke bar near where he was staying while teaching. He asked for a job bouncing at the club so he could drink for free. They initially said no, but he decided to stay and have a few drinks anyways. Eventually his turn to sing came up, but there was a mistake and the song he was prompted was "My Heart will Go On" by Celine Dion. So he sang the song anyways, was laughed at by the bar owners and they told him they would buy him a beer for every night he came back and sang that specific song, and only that song... of course he obliged and was greeted with a raucous "Celine!" every time he walked in the place. He didn't seem to mind. 

We were singing some Karaoke that night and he didn't have an outstanding voice and turned down numerous attempts to get him to sing his signature song. 

So, back to the Taksim bar hopping idea, it was starting to gather steam with about 6 or 7 of us when we pulled the pin and finally paid for our beers and left. Our strange assortment that night included a cool dutch guy, a hippyish polish guy who rode his bicycle to Istanbul, an Italian guy who had been staying at the same hostel for a week as well, two columbian kids who were dressed for a night at the dance clubs looking like a couple new jersey bros, an 18 year old Norwegian, the (now fully drunk) Irishman, and myself. Basically a united nations clown car. 

We left our hostel and Irish immediately heads to the nearest bodega and buys like 3 packs of cigarettes and 4 bottles of beer. We wait for him to pay and I'm starting to think "maybe this isn't the wisest idea," but we soldier on down the street. It's generally frowned upon to drink in public here and you can for sure get arrested for public intoxication. 

As if he was part of of a hidden camera show this guy stumbles a bit with his drinkin' beer in one hand and his bag of beers in the other, takes a tumble on the street and smashes all but the one beer that was open all over the road. He was incredibly proud that he kept the opened one afloat though. But at this point I kind of made the executive decision in my mind to cut this dude loose. I didn't want to get involved with the crooked cops in a crooked Muslim country where the laws were getting more right-winged authoritarian by the day.  

So I started walking a little faster, until he couldn't really keep pace. He was easily distracted by one of the endless business barker guys on the street that try to get you into their ripoff restaurants or bars. The Dutch guy, Matt, eventually got an Uber and we took off for a forgetful night in Taksim. Leaving the Irish dude to his own devices. 

 Apparently we made the right call as when we got back at like 1am, the news from the hostel bartender was that Irish had started asking around for stronger stuff everywhere, and then taken another big spill and broken a couple ribs, spent a few hours in the hospital, and was now sleeping off his injuries in his dorm bed. Jesus what a wreck. 

He slept for 2 more days and I never saw him again. 

Here's to you, hope you found your home Celine, wherever that may be.  

 

 

In the case of my death.

You put the word "death" in anything and people think you are being dramatic about shit. Don't get me wrong, it's plenty dramatic. I just don't understand how everyone else thinks it's not going to happen to them. It could happen in 50 years or tomorrow but it's going to happen. When you are surrounded by death and pain for 5ish years, you tend to get used to the topic. 

Anyways the number one rule regarding my death, do not let anyone at Swigs pub and grill do any type of service or wake for me. For the love of all things holy. Don't let anyone who works there, frequents there or has done a rail of 20% low test off the back of the toilets in there be anywhere around my sorry remains. Those death merchants are worse than Mcinnis and Holloway, without the actual services. They just want to pack the place and reap the rewards. Not that I could pack the place anymore, they have certainly made sure of that. In fact, if I die tomorrow it's at least 50% because of the people at Swigs pub and grill. 

Whoever wants to show up can show up, just remember, if you contributed to the utter mess of my last 2 years, or perpetuated any type of brutal rumour about me, maybe sit this one out chief. 

I want this music to be represented and ONLY THIS MUSIC. If anyone else tries to fuck with this, tell them to beat it. 

Spotify Playlist called "Kick it" on my spotify profile. 

 Here is a quick explainer/rundown of some of the songs and why they are on there. 

 

1. Be (Intro) - Common 

Starts with "Be (intro)" by Common, I think this is the best opening song on any album I've ever listened to. Remember when we used to do that, listen to albums? It was an unreal way to spend an evening. Anyways, if this is the definitive playlist of my life, this song has to be the opener. 

2. Heading South - Zach Bryan

This one is for Henry. We used to listen to it whenever we were going camping somewhere, and turn it all the way up. One of the first times we listened (Henry was about 7) I said "bad word" after Bryan cussed in the song and after that Henry told me not to say that. He had heard cuss words before and never repeats them after. He is a good kid. This is our camping song for sure. 

3. Everything In It's Right Place - Radiohead

I fell in love with a girl who put me on to this album, we aren't very good anymore but I will always love Radiohead. 

4. Wildflowers - Tom Petty

This reminds me of another significant relationship that spanned years until I made a mistake and then she completely destroyed my life and reputation on the back of lie. Nevertheless, all relationships are worth something, whether that is a good memory or a bad experience to learn from. 

5. Just What I Needed - The Cars

One of the first bands I ever loved and among my earliest memories of good music. The vibe is always immaculate with the Cars. 

6. Change - Blind Melon

Their real best song. This is a drive with the windows down and blast kinda song. It gives me goosebumps in the right mindset. 

7. Aenema - Tool

The first darker turn of the playlist. 

Some say the end is near
Some say we'll see Armageddon soon
Certainly hope we will
I sure could use a vacation from
This bullshit three ring circus sideshow   

How appropriate in the current age. 

Coulda been written yesterday. 

8. April 26, 1992 (Miami)

Love me some Sublime. This is one of their less poppy songs (but still killer). That whole album is awesome. It's a shame Bradley Nowell never lived to see it rise. 

I still remember back in the day in my buddies backyard singing this whole album when I was like 17 or something. Good memories turned bad as that friend turned out to be quite the dickwad.  We aren't friends anymore. 

9.  Wouldn't It Be Nice - Beach Boys

Another one of the first bands I fell in love with. I used to play super nintendo and listen to the Pet Sounds album on repeat in the basement of our childhood house. A good memory in a sea of bad ones under 10 years old. 

10.  Solo Dolo (Nightmare) - Kid Cudi

When I was going through everything with swigs people lying to ruin my life, this song helped me through. God damn those people. You ended me (tried to but failed) for no reason. 

11. People Ain't No Good - Nick Cave

Nick Cave is super interesting for reasons I can't explain. The title of this track is self explanatory. 

12. Charleston Girl - Tyler Childers

This one describes a few girls that have been in my life. An unfortunate turn of events, an unfortunate circumstance and the song just speaks to you, in retrospect. 

13. Sleep Now In The Fire - Rage Against The Machine

What a song. The pure incredibleness of Rage will live on through many years of bad times. We sleep through the blaze of the fire we have created with our apathy, time is a flat circle and we consistently vote against our own interests. And y'all keep voting for the fire that will burn us all down. 

14.  Straight and Narrow - Sam Barber

The first Sam Barber song I ever heard. The guy has a range of emotion that conjurers the great emotive singers of all time. You cant help but feel all the feels with this dude. 

15. Man of the Year - Sam Barber

Double up, baby. This one speaks to me, "fuck it if I ain't the man of year." I tried harder than you could possibly imagine. I left it all on the ice. And you tried to break me. I'm still here. After I've been through this journey of the soul you put me on, there will be some god damned clarity. And I'll be fine, while you'll still just be an asshole. "You gotta take it as it goes."

16. Nutshell - Alice in Chains

Haunting song. Appropriate song.

We chase misprinted lies
We face the path of time
And yet I fight, and yet I fight
This battle all alone

17. Neon Experience - Junius Meyvant

This one means so much to me. I was tricked into going on a trip to Cuba by myself. I had a great time, but on the way home I was struck with some pretty tough depressive thoughts. This song was the thing that kept me anchored to the earth and reminded me that there is a ton of beauty here despite the glaring blackness and evil in people. I still listen to it to pick the ol' spirits up.  Pretty stark contrast after Nutshell. 

18.  Idioteque - Radiohead

Without getting into specifics, this song represents everything the human spirit has to offer. It's relentless electronic beat like a heartbeat towards oblivion, stopping only to recognize how fucked we all are. It represents the absolute love of my life and everything I have ever desired as well. There is one person on this earth that understands exactly what I'm talking about when I describe this one. It is an awesome song, sometimes I can't listen to it because the emotions it evokes in me reach the breaking point of painful longing. 

19. Wild Horses - Rolling Stones

The Beatles or the Rolling Stones? I probably should have some Beatles on this list as they're both fantastic but I don't yet... I'm sure I will add one eventually. When I first heard "Wild Horses" I was in my teens... it just sounds so serene and calm. It's like "Layla," a perfect sit around the fire drinking beer song. 

20.  Grace, Too - Tragically Hip

If you don't like the Hip you aren't Canadian enough. These guys were so ubiquitous in Canada that they were entirely unavoidable growing up. First, you heard the hits and then you dug deeper to discover that the non-hit songs all over the radio were undeniable as well. I once had an ex-girlfriend ask me what my favourite Hip song was, then before I could reply she spouted "you seem like a Boots or Hearts kinda guy," and I couldn't have been more offended. She used to say bitchy things like that to me all the time. This is my favourite Hip song, but they have so many good ones (Boots or Hearts sucks). 

21. Traveller - Chris Stapleton

This whole album (also called Traveller) is great. I wanted to pick one song from it and it was tough... this one might change before I die. As I write this my health is starting to recover again. This whole playlist could change lol. (It won't). 

22. Fell on Black Days - Soundgarden

I used to work in the kitchen of the King's Head when I was like 18. We had 2 tapes, this was one of them, Soundgarden's "Superunknown" album. I listened to this album all summer one year. This album still kicks ass to this day. 

23. Say it ain't So - Weezer

Not much to say about this one, besides I've always loved it and it's a certified banger. I was 10 when they released the blue album and thought they were an alternative to the grunge sound that was around back then. 

24. Black - Pearl Jam 

I never considered Pearl Jam to be one of my favourite artists. One of my favourite people fuckin loves them and loves this song, and it has grown on me over the years. It's a incredibly heartbreaking song though, I only listen to it when I'm either sad already or it comes on a playlist and then I feel depressed for an hour after listening. One of those beautiful but tragic songs. 

25. Lost Together - Blue Rodeo

Them and the Hip = Canada to me. I absolutely love Blue Rodeo and they are one of those bands (much like the Hip) that have always just been a part of my life. They were big when my Dad was still buying CDs from a catalogue and they kind of grew on me as I got older. Country music in general (good country none of this Jelly Roll, Post Malone pop country shit) tends to grow on you as you age. 

26. Nobody knows you when you're down and out - Eric Clapton

Ain't that the truth. I've gone back to this song every time I've been screwed over in this life (which has been a surprising amount of times). It's awesome no matter how many times I hear it. If Clapton wasn't such a shitty dude, he'd be one of my all time favs. This one is a cover I'm pretty sure. 

27. Bro Hymn - Pennywise

One of those skate punk anthems that just becomes synonymous with growing up. Also a great sing along that pairs well with a keg of beer at a rowdy house party. (So I've heard). 

28. Crazy Girls - The California Honeydrops

These guys became my favourite band sometime in my 30s. Despite their name I think they are a New Orleans band and you can hear it all over their sound. I am a sucker for a great horn section in a band and the New Orleans type loose swingy funky jazzy meld. These guys have that in spades. 

29. Victim of Love - The Eagles

Eagles are another one of my childhood favourites. We always had CDs of everyone's greatest hits so I used to listen to all these classic bands constantly. It was definitely one of the best parts of growing up, as far as I remember. When I was a kid I used to love the slower Eagles songs, but then I got older and this one just flat out rules. The Eagles kick ass I don't care what the Dude has to say about em. 

30. Green Lights - Aloe Blacc

This song reminds me of one of the first friends I ever lost. Ryan Lewis was a great friend that I didn't spend enough time with before he passed. He was wise beyond his years and was always so level headed no matter what came his way. He was the first guy I sat next to in class at John Ware Jr High, and he made sure to introduce me to everyone. Some of those friends turned out to be terrible people in the end but I still cherish the memories of when they weren't terrible, for sure. 

31. Venice Queen - Red Hot Chili Peppers

The Chili Peppers are such a strange band in the overall history of music. The were such an aberration to the mainstream when they first arrived on the radar of kids like myself, and then they slowly became so mainstream it was a little embarrassing to admit you liked them. This song came out just before the shift. Now they are near unlistenable. (I still have a soft spot for them). 

32. Music (feat. Marvin Gaye) - Erick Sermon

Suprisingly I dont have alot of rap on this playlist. There was a period after the 90s where I listened pretty much exclusively to rap. My buddy Bryson gave me Tupac's "All Eyes On Me" when I was like 15 and I was absolutely enthralled. I was a little white kid from the burbs who thought he was gangster after listening to that, until I was like 30 and started to realize I was a middle aged man from the burbs who isn't remotley gangster, and never was. I could still recite most of those songs from that album from start to finish. 

This song is joyful, and celebratory... which is more what I'm going for with this playlist. It's so good. 

33. I wish you well - Tom Cochrane 

Another staple of Canadian music. My uncle used to say, Cochrane could've been as big as Petty if he was better looking. That's up for debate but Cochrane is pretty freaking good anyways. This has always been one of my favourite songs about lost love. It's more about acceptance and moving on, wishing the best in life. I was a jerk in my 20s to women at times (never abusive, just distant and non-commital), and I regret messing up some of my more important relationships. Some women were jerks to me and I should have cut them loose much earlier than I did. Oh well, live and learn, I wish you well. 

34. She - Green Day

"Dookie" might have been the first album I bought with my own money. Every single track on this album means so much to me but I picked this one because I really like the writing. 

She, she's figured out
All her doubts were someone else's point of view
Waking up this time
To smash the silence with the brick of self-control

35. Long Time Running - The Tragically Hip

Another hip song, another song that reminds me of her. Goddamn how did she leave such an imprint. It's a love/hate for sure these days. I still love her to bits but I sure don't like her very often. 

36. Survive - Rise Against

This is a rally song. Anytime I got kicked, anytime I got diagnosed with something wild, everytime I fucked up, this is my rally song. How we survive, is what makes us who we are. 

37. Pretty Fucked up - Supersuckers

This one reminds me of a girl (not that girl), both because she took me to a Supersuckers show when we were young and she later was pretty fucked up. I used to like her and she used to be pretty. We aren't friends anymore. 

38. Come Pick Me Up - Ryan Adams

I learned how to play harmonica by playing along to this song. And when I was a melodramatic college kid, I used to love this guy. One of my best friends came to a Ryan Adams show with me once and made fun of it the whole time, we arent friends anymore. 

39. To be Young (is to be sad, is to be high) - Ryan Adams

The other great Ryan Adams song. I've kind of grown out of this guy's music over the years. But I still get a nostalgiac dopamine hit whenever I hear these two songs. Reminds me of a better time in my life before things got so incredibly fucked up. 

40.  Fare thee well - Oscar Issac

This one is weird, I think it's from the "Inside Llewelen Davis" soundtrack, and it's sung by the actor. Im pretty sure one of the Mumford and Sons band sings on it as well. It's a good track

41. You - Bad Religion

Another skate punk anthem that defines a certain period in my life when I was about 18 or so. Times were better than they would be for a number of years and life was easy. Hearing these types of songs brings me back to that time. I really like the lyrics on this one as well, disillusioned and angry. 

And you
Painted my entire world
But I
Don't have the turpentine to clean what you have soiled
And I won't forget it 

42. Flute Loop - Beatie Boys

The Beastie Boys have swung in and out of my conciousness over the years. One time when I was working as a barback I got asked by one of my co-workers which song by the beastie boys was my favorite. I'm pretty sure he was being a condescending music snob and thought I only liked thier most recent album, so I just told him I didn't know and eventually told him "Brass Monkey" haha. That song sucks, this one rules, but in reality it's impossible to pick one Beastie Boys song as a favourite. They have a million bangers. Pauls Boutique is thier best album front to back though. 

 43. Identity - X-Ray Spex

 I only really know this song by them, but the X-Ray Spex are freakin sweet. They are led by this black english chick self-proclaimed as "Poly Styrene" who just seemed to be cooler than everybody else at all times. They were part of the punk explosion of the late 70s that inspired pretty much all the music I grew up with and loved in the 90s. 

44.  Black Swan - Thom Yorke

Thom Yorke (One of those people you have to say both his first and last names when referring to him) came out with this solo album right after I got big into Radiohead. From front to back it kicks so much ass, in an album full of standout tracks, this one shines. 

45. It's a good life if you dont weaken - The Tragically Hip

When Gord Downie was diagnosed with a blastoma the whole nation fell into a depression I swear. He died late 2017 and the world has basically been shitty ever since. We shoulda never killed Harambe and we should have cherished this guy more when we had him. 

46. Runaway - Kanye West

Before he went absolutely bonkers Ka/t ye was the second best hip hop producer of all time. If you ever have some spare moments look up some piano covers of this song. It's so well put together. 

47.  You don't Know how it Feels - Tom Petty

 

(Reminder to write a will). 

Scam City

 

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well, really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light in every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

 

When I am in a foreign place, it's always incredibly important to first: observe the customs, and be aware of my surroundings at all times. I think it's important to carry an understanding that people all over the world are struggling to make ends meet, and that in a tourist centred economy, there will be some bad actors that try to game the system in their favour. Istanbul with it's intensely capitalist market economy is certainly no exception to this. 

It became apparent (especially as I got into the heavy tourist trap areas) that every man in Turkey is a salesman, and they do not take a day off. They see the lack of melanin in my skin combined with the sightseer outfit (hat, shades, bag in front of body), and probably don't even see me as a fellow person. At this point I'm walking down the street like a breathing ATM. 

When you are new to Istanbul they will try to bleed you dry as fast as they can, and efficiently as they can. Before I even left Canada I was getting whatsapp texts from the hotel to get picked up in a private ride from the airport. For a pretty crazy sum. And the thing is, I went for it. Because at least it's a set price and you don't have to gamble on the shady-ass taxi drivers getting you there. Once I figured out the public transit I never went back. 

Walking around on the street you get the standard harassment that comes with any open air market, I'm usually pretty decent at ignoring those guys or learning the word no in the language, for Turkish it's "hayir." Once they can't get you the first couple times, they will leave you alone any time they see you after that. It's like fishing to these guys, they just learn a couple phrases in the popular languages and shout at you as you pass until someone stops to talk, then they turn on the sales pitch. 

One day out there I was having a great day. I had just visited the incredible Hagia Sophia and Blue Mosque, talked to a volunteer representing (the good sides of) Islam for a long while and was flying high on a cloud of wonder and amusement in the very touristy Sultanahmet district. 

This is where I got snagged by a fishing line. "Hey brother," I heard as I was probably staring up at the sky like a moron with my mouth open (easy prey). They guy fishing was a mid 30s typical Turkish dude, darker features and a highly developed script he uses probably 50 times a day. 

I'm a solo traveller here who tends to be pretty social and likes to connect on a personal level. So when I let my guard down for a second, that was all that was needed by this guy to swoop in like a hawk with talon's out. 

All the normal starter questions were asked to establish a quick rapport with the prospective mark... he asked "where you from," "how long you are here for," told me I looked Turkish and said I looked like I lived in Istanbul ( which couldn't be farther from the truth so this is when I started to get my wits back about me). He even told me about his family, and asked about mine. 

When I had enough of the fake niceties, I said "alright man, I need to get going," and I started walking towards the hostel about 15 mins south. He said, "hey my uncle has a shop in that direction, do you mind if I walk that way with you?''

I said sure, and as we walked he must have recited some crazy turkish magic phrase since I ended up following him into his uncle's shop. This is where things got into the realm of Turkiye that isn't fun. 

As I was led upstairs through the main floor area which seemed to be a regular shop of Turkish baubles and goods, I was more into seeing how this whole Turkish sales pitch was going to go. I knew t was going to be a little intense but I wasn't really prepared for the uncle. 

As the nephew led me upstairs he asked if I wanted any tea or coffee, (they are hoping you say yes so that you feel like you owe them). I said yes, I also drank a bottle of water while I sat on a couch and looked around upstairs at all the crazy rugs. This is another scam as tourists looking for authentic Turkish rugs likely won't find that here. Although the rugs in this shop certainly looked nice, they also had uniform tags on every one and looked a bit to machine perfect to have any type of handmade authenticity.

So I sat and talked to the nephew some more as we waited for the big boss man to come in and give the whole sales pitch. He didn't disappoint. 

After about 2 minutes of small talk and free water and tea, in strolls the "uncle." Wearing an 80s style oversized suit with shoulder pads you could tell he was going for the whole intimidation factor. He had one of those Turkish fidget spinner chain toys I see a lot of the men fiddling with on the regular and he takes a seat to my left while snapping it around. It was obvious he thought he was going to make a big sale that day. 

He starts by telling me to look around at all the rugs and there was an air of supreme confidence and superiority to his tone. It was as if he was subliminally trying to tell me that these were the best rugs in all of Turkiye and I was lucky just to be in their presence. He has his younger nephew, or child or grandchild pick up about 10 rugs and start to lay them down on the floor in front of me, telling me to pick out my favourite. So I do, a blue one did look pretty cool for a cheap rug that was probably made in china. 

 He goes, "Oh you like this one, it is 2850.00 American dollars." 

I couldn't stifle my laughter fast enough and let out a strained (admittedly slightly nervous at this point) chuckle. This didn't sit well with big boss man in the suit. A stole a few glances at him and he looked like a very stereotypical older Turkish salesman: darker features and a large nose, ears and mouth. 

I now wanted the interaction to go on strictly for the story later. I retorted with "I wouldn't pay more than 100 bucks." 

He came back with "Ok, now we have a starting point," with a slight grin that indicated towards sinking the fishing hook deeper. So we continued to dance as I took another sip of the tea. In retrospect I should have only drank from a sealed bottle when up in this strange shop in a strange land, who knows what could've been in that tea. 

I knew I wasn't going to buy this shit. He thought he was snagging a sucker and all the other kids and nephews or whatever were here to watch their master sales uncle take down another unsuspecting sale. We were relatively caught in a stale mate that only I was seemingly aware of. 

I thought it would be pertinent to mention at this point, "I'm not going to buy anything here, I barely have enough money to get home tonight." 

Thinking this was a negotiation tactic he replied, "ok what do you think is a fair price for this rug?" You already asked me that buddy, do you want me to give you the actual honest answer for some crap that was obviously mass produced in a factory from far away?  He went on "we do free shipping to all over the world, where are you from?" I told him "Canada."

He lit up a little again, and mentioned Toronto like it was the key to get back to the negotiation table. Little does he know, Toronto is of very little relevance to a west-coast Canadian. Mentioning that city would have actually hurt his chances if I was at all serious about buying any of his crap. 

I said, "It doesn't matter about the free shipping, I'm honestly not going to buy anything today, thank you for the tea." 

And his whole aura perceptively switched in that moment, he looked at me with angry eyes and said, "what if I put a gun to your head right now?"

There are a few times in my life where I've been held at gunpoint. It's not a good feeling. For some reason though when those fuckin words came out of this greasy sales guy, I wasn't in the least bit scared. It actually made me (internally this time) chuckle again. The only thing I said in a dry tone was "I don't like pressure sales tactics." You could see he was getting visually agitated now. 

He was flailing with the rug in his hand as he continued to sit in the chair. Then he told me to empty my pockets. 

I told him "hayir" which means no, and got up to leave. 

At his point he was realizing the big fish of the moment was getting away. He actually threw the rug into the middle of the room, narrowly missing me by a few inches and looked absolutely furious (although still sitting, which made me a bit more at ease). As I continued to walk through the room towards the door he started shouting at me "YOU ARE NOT A MAN," and "WE HAD A DEAL." We did not good sir. 

I said "tesekular edirim," which means thank you and put my hand over my heart with a slight bow as I backed out of the room slowly and was somewhat surprised when none of the other men in the room grabbed me. Needless to say I walked out of the room, down the stairs, and out the door back on the crazy busy streets of Sultanahmet. My heart was going a mile a minute at this point. 

I walked home safely with a story to tell and a smile on my face as I got harassed by about 20 more shopkeepers on my way back to my hostel. Such is life in this absolutely bonkers part of Istanbul. 

 

 

 

Just pictures of my boy Ryan.