Just pictures of my boy Ryan.

 

To my brother.

Just last week we had a video chat while I was in Istanbul, and I couldn't have been more proud of the guy on the other end of the call. You were back in the gym, working at a new spot, and you sounded happy. Happiest I had heard you in a while actually. We kinda kept it brief and said "I love you" as a goodbye and then hung up. The whole conversation was less than 10 minutes. 

I was so proud of my friend, of my brother, of my partner in crime and mayhem at many different junctions of our lives. 

Man, you sure knew how to piss me off sometimes though. You must've been my brother because we have had some drag out brawls over the years. It was always from a place of love and friendship (we were just both stubborn personalities), but we both knew exactly how to get the other going. 

 

We also had some insanely fun times, some of the best memories in my life involve you and your crazy brand of fun that was absolutely infectious and brought everyone into your massive orbit. You were a "glue" guy in every sense of the phrase. 

 

You were the life of the party everywhere you went, and people were drawn to your super human magnetic personality. No matter what, if Ryan Macgowan was involved, it was going to be at the very least not boring. Right now the afterlife is LIT up there, of that I have no doubt. 

 

 

 

We went to Thailand together and we shared some pretty incredible memories out there. We talked about going back often and I now wish that our lives would have allowed us to do that. The full moon party, the trips to all the islands, the nights spent in paradise while we sipped on Singhas. I'll always hold those memories very close. 

  

 

As we grew up we got somewhat wiser and somewhat more mature. Going up north to work was a good thing for you and you started really hittin' the gym and working on yourself. You were looking more fit, more happy, and more present than you have in a while. I was so proud of my brother. 

 

 

Yup, you had some flaws (don't we all). Anyone who really knew you could see your true heart though. You were a walking calamity at times, and you certainly drove us nuts constantly, but you were a person that was always there when I needed you, and you would have never turned your back on the people you loved. And you were surely loved in return. 

 

 

There's so much to say about you, the mark you left on people was unerasable. You will leave a void in my heart and in the hearts of so many that knew you. Your flame will burn as long as the memory of you stays strong within those hearts, and luckily for us, you were unforgettable.  
 

I love you.  

Hostel World

Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah 

 

Alright after the first night's wrong hotel debacle and the second night spent getting stung by a mosquito and listening to drunken Iranian dudes stumble around a shitty hostel dorm, I was ready for something a bit easier. 

So while I was awake all night at the hostel from hell, I did some research on a good social hostel to spend my next few nights. Looking at reviews on hostel world and google always tends to be an exercise in futility, they often have friends fill them out or pressure the good clients to leave the good reviews, so my strategy is to look at the bad reviews and figure out why they didn't like it. Sometimes you can tell if the client just wanted a fancy hotel and doesn't quite understand the whole hostel experience. Really I'm only in it for the social aspect, if the rooms are even serviceable I'm cool with it. 

Found one that had a cool looking lounge and offered beer pong, kareoke and pub crawls. Got three nights and took the train to the "old city," where the Cheers Lighthouse hostel lay hidden among a sea of boutique hotels and little bars and restaurants. 

Walking to find this place from the train brought me right through the historic district of Sultanahmet. Getting lost in this area is unreal. Every single step you take is steeped in the past, and you can feel the pulse of the souls that walked the steps before you. 

The train system in Istanbul puts Calgary to shame.

Fishermen off the bridge always

A pedestrian picture of a pedestrian park. 

 

I arrived in the Hostel where I met the bartender, who was from Paris originally, and the event planner from Albania originally. I dumped my bags in my room and went out for the day. I was finally ready to start my trip. 

A view of the Bosphorus shipyard from the balcony. 

 

Home for about 5 days.

 

 

 

 Man, you meet some of the coolest people in these types of hostels. The week I was staying I felt like I hit the jackpot. We had Indonesians, Dutch, Egyptians, Americans, a crazy Irish dude, Italians, Spanish, Colombian, and Brazilians. 

 

I did the pub crawl one night, that was pretty wild. I have my comments about the drinking and "clubbing" culture that I will save for another post. 

 

We had a belly dancer in one night. That was also interesting. Had an awesome time. The beer was too expensive though but that's Istanbul in general I think, stupid government.  

 

 

The Hagia Sophia

 "Your faith was strong, but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah"

 

The history of Istanbul is completely bonkers. 

Standing on the edge of both Europe and Asia, acting as a bridge between the two, wars and battles were fought constantly for the city and the land it occupied. On this ground you get the sense of it's grand importance. Looking around at the land and the scenery, you can tell why this city served as the capital for three major empires (the Roman, Latin, and Ottomans). At one point the largest city in the world, and referred to as simply "The City" there is nothing diminutive about Istanbul. It is quite factually, the living witness to the rise and fall of numerous empires and rulers. 

Taksim Square

The Ancient Istiklal Street 

 

This history is never more apparent then when you stand in front of the Hagia Sophia. 

The Hagia Sophia 

It's name means Holy Wisdom in Greek. It was first erected as a Byzantine (Eastern Roman empire) christian church after Constantine I legalized Christianity and made Constantinople the capital of the empire.

It was built into the grand structure it still represents today by Justinian I, where it stood as the world's largest cathedral for nearly a thousand years. 

 

When Constantinople fell to the Ottoman empire, it was converted to a Mosque, and the Christian images it contained began to share room with Muslim calligraphy and images until the Christian ones were plastered over. Today all the images are seen together, creating a stark reminder of the contentious nature of humanity. In Muslim practice, they do not lie to display images of saints or prophets so the issue of covering these pictures is ever present. 

 

It was converted to a museum when Turkiye's first president (Ataturk), came into power as a way to usher the city of Istanbul into modern relevance. It has since been converted back into a mosque in a somewhat controversial move by the current administration. Some say this was a purely political move to appeal to the religious fundamentals. The great Blue Mosque is right next door.  

 

The 'call to prayer' is something that can be jarring the first time you hear it. I always remember the first time I experienced it as a young-ish backpacker in a Muslim neighbourhood of Phuket, Thailand. I was staying in a sweltering hot hotel room in the heart of the island city and couldn't sleep. At about 7:00 am (they start at the first sign of the sun) I heard a surreal and almost ghostly cry from a very powerful speaker that could be heard for miles across the city. 

I immediately went out onto the balcony to listen to this. Having never heard it before I was stunned into silence. 

After living in Thailand for a few months, and then now spending 2 weeks in a very Muslim Turkiye, the call to prayer kind of blends into the various chaos of the rest of the city. 

 But man, standing in front of the Hagia Sophia and the Blue Mosque and all the incredibly palpable history of Istanbul, it hit me hard. 

  

  
 

The Istanbul Trip

"Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah"

 

This trip did not call to me like those of the past. This trip did surprise me in many ways and I can safely say that Istanbul is a city full of awesome history and rich culture. A culture that will sting you repeatedly if you let it. But those are always the best ones. Constant safety is a boring venture. I want to explore and find the pulse of a place and you can't do that exclusively from the 7th floor of the Marriott.

Rather than any plans, I booked my flight (w/ return), and my hotel for one night when I landed. That has got to be the way to explore a city as big as Istanbul. Force yourself to find a place to stay, even if it's a shit-hole you survive the one night and move on 

Night one I touched down at about 2:30am and texted my prearranged hotel shuttle driver. I asked to go to the hotel as I was bagged from the 16 hours of travel I had just completed, and realized I booked the hotel down the street. From the other airport. On the other side of the city. 

 

I flew into SAW, my hotel was next to IST

 I was so tired I took the private shuttle across the city of Istanbul (it took about an hour and 15 minutes with little traffic). Costly mistake for sure, but not the end of the world. I made it and the hotel was perfect to crash in and figure it out the next day. 

 

Sick ride though

 

 

This trip turned into a series of excellent lessons on how to travel alone. It wasn't the most difficult destination to figure out, but it wasn't the easiest either. The tourism thing is heavily developed but the money makers in Istanbul know how to hustle you out of any extra cash floating around your pockets. There are some obvious scams, and some that are not so obvious. It seems like everyone is concurrently both into developed sales pitches while also just trying to earn some Turkish Liras and get by. The further away you get from the touristy old-city, the more chill the people get and the less everything seems to cost.  

First Sunrise

Anyways I woke up, ate some breakfast and got a ride to the airport I did not fly in on so I could reset and figure out where I was to go in this massive city first. I took the metro from the airport directly into Taksim Square, which seems like the natural starting point into the heart of Istanbul. 

 

First class public transportation

Pano of Taksim Square

 

 

I quickly found a seedy hostel to lock my backpack up so I could walk around. The street I touched down on, Istiklal, was packed as I'm sure it is most days/nights and I just wandered down it and through the many side streets for hours until I was tired enough to crash. This is when I regretted going cheap on the hostel as I was stuck in a room with several drunk Iranian dudes who were not quiet when they clambered in at about 3:00am. And then I got stung by a rogue mosquito about 17 times during the night. Needless to say I didn't sleep a bit. Didn't care really. 

Shared the bottom pink bed with Istanbul's most blood thirsty mosquito

I'd avoid Xalila Hostel if you are ever around Taksim

The first two nights were in the books, I was in freakin' Istanbul and I had about 12 days left.

 

A letter to the Future

 

Hello future Dan,

This is present Dan writing to send you some much needed inspiration and motivation to KEEP GOING!

We are going to start with a little reminder of why life is good right now, and what we had to sacrifice and build to get to this point.

First and foremost, we hit subscribe on the theory that “you have to do hard things to make life easy.”

When you were diagnosed with Cancer, when your sister unexpectedly passed, when some of your closest friends called the cops on you for getting angry and sending some regrettable texts (which was all on you for not controlling your emotions), and your best friends trashed your yard on your 40^th bday and then blacklisted you from their lives after bringing it up… you could have easily thrown in the towel. Even one of those things could potentially send someone into an unrecoverable tailspin.

But you used it for good in your life instead of the other way around, you went to work on yourself and you eliminated the negative people, influences and situations from your life in almost totality. The people from the past that you kept, you defined boundaries and changed how those relationships affected you. You understood that the only person that can truly affect you and truly initiate change is YOU. That is no small feat, as you read this please recognize that you put in the work to make this life better.

You focused on the good things in life; you went to the gym hard and now look in the mirror (you are getting jacked!) Look at your emotional control (you can handle situations and relationships in a much healthier way). You cut out the constant drinking and partying (and added some healthier diet factors) that was making you tired and hungover most weekends. This all allowed you to focus on the things that matter (your family and the healthier relationships in your life).

The last thing I should mention, which is more a symptom of the change than the change itself, is you started loving yourself. You haven’t felt that in a long time (if ever) and that is absolutely huge for you. You should be proud of how far you’ve come and how you’ve committed to all these changes in life and mentality. I want to both thank you and encourage you to keep loving yourself. You always had this inside, it just took some drastic events to pull it out of you, thank you for taking the path that allowed that to happen.

You are doing it, so KEEP GOING Dan. Keep the change, don’t look back, keep fighting hard for the good life. It’s worth it in every sense.

Love,

Present Dan